Are you taking your kids to something every night of the week? Do your refrigerator calendars dictate your life? Do you get to Sunday and feel no closer to your kids?
In 2013, every night of the week was scheduled for us, thanks to baseball, Tae Kwon Doe, and dance class! We skipped family dinners to get the kids to their activities on time. We were worn out and our family relationships were NO better because of it. We had veered hard left from the advice we learned as new parents:
“The presence of parents is very beneficial at four key times of the day – early morning, after school, dinnertime, and bedtime. When that regular contact is combined with other shared activities between parents and kids, the most positive outcome is achieved.” [Bringing Up Boys, Dr. James Dobson]
Thus, we faced this truth.
[pullquote align=”normal”]If we sign up for group-lead activities, the group dictates our family’s schedule. If we select our own family-lead activities, we choose and have control. [/pullquote]
“We are stopping all activities.” I proclaimed to 3 sunken faces over dinner at Friendly’s. “And here’s why.” Teresa and I then shared the new vision for the family. It may seem extreme, but our relationships and our schedules are now so much stronger.
Come with me on this journey of what our week looks like now and you can decide if we’re CRAZY…
Our First Move, Pick One!
Instead of ONE activity per kid, we decided to choose ONE activity, ONE night, for ALL kids. Therefore, I became Commander Ken in the Royal Rangers (similar to Boy Scouts) every Wednesday night. Kenny is in my group of boys. My other sons and daughter are in different rooms having a blast. Meanwhile, my wife gets a night to go shopping, visit us, or get stuff done at home.
I asked Kenny recently if he missed TKD or baseball.
“Nope.” He said. “I love Rangers.”
And he does. He’s Assistant Senior Patrol Leader, a new Gold Hawk in rank, has earned 20+ merit badges this year, and we go camping a few times per year.
Four Key Times
Now that we owned our calendar again, how could we implement Dr. Dobson’s advice?
- Early mornings and after school were easy for us because we home school. Most kids go to school, so this requires more planning for you, perhaps.
- We set 6:30pm for family dinners. It’s true that we miss that time often, but we do eat together 7 nights per week. We use dinner time to talk… imagine that.
- Bedtime is the most fun. We have a routine with each kid which includes reading aloud, mommy/daddy songs, picture songs, sillies, and daughter dance. I plan to record some Dadnamics Live! videos to show you what this nighttime routine looks like. For now, the most important of these is reading because it connects YOU (especially the Dads) to YOUR kids. Plus, it builds a love for reading. We read to the Youngers every night 10-15 minutes. And we have settled into a Tuesday / Thursday schedule for the Olders because 10 minutes isn’t enough time to get through a chapter in their bigger books. Now they each get at least an hour from each parent per week. Here’s a few interactive Dadnamics in ReadingTM resources to help your family – Arctic Land and DiR Story StartersTM.
Friday – Monday?
Mondays and Saturdays are our “unpredictable” days due to a variety of reasons. We stick to dinner and an abbreviated bedtime.
We bypass bedtime routine on Fridays and do a family devotion after dinner. This could also be Gratitude Night, where you just go around the table and share what you’re grateful for.
Sunday Fundays are the best, beginning promptly at 6:30am! Teresa and I take turns with the Olders for 1-on-1, Man Training and Virtuous Woman Training. The rest of Sunday is family time. We eat a big breakfast, go to church, and then play. Last week, we went on a family bike ride. The prior week, we took our rollerblades and tennis rackets to the tennis court. Most times, we stay home and lounge around, especially in the winter, and find other fun stuff to do. After dinner, we enjoy Sunday Sundae and either play a family game, or lately, we’ve been watching re-runs of “Fraggle Rock” from the 80’s.
Special Time
Yes, there’s more. We find that individual and personalized, 1-on-1 attention is VERY productive. We have a goal to give each child “Special Time” with both Mom and Dad. It’s hard to schedule, so usually it goes like this.
“I have to go to the post office and bank. Who’s turn is it?”
“Meeee!” screams Kolby.”
Of course this is where Dadnamics comes in (hint, hint for next week’s video).
And finally, let me finally tell you about Episode 10 Tea Party Coloring. Last June, I was working a lot and missing Special Time opportunities. I had promised my daughter that she was next and finally…
“Daddy’s home!” They all scream.
“Christianna, it’s your turn.”
The activity was so simple and any Dad can do it. I poured the tea into the gorgeous china set and she got her best coloring book and crayons.
We talked, laughed, worked on our color-blending skills and took a sip every time one of us tapped our cups with a spoon.
Clink, clink.
