Author: Ken Carfagno

Are you taking your kids to something every night of the week? Do your refrigerator calendars dictate your life? Do you get to Sunday and feel no closer to your kids?

In 2013, every night of the week was scheduled for us, thanks to baseball, Tae Kwon Doe, and dance class! We skipped family dinners to get the kids to their activities on time. We were worn out and our family relationships were NO better because of it. We had veered hard left from the advice we learned as new parents:

“The presence of parents is very beneficial at four key times of the day – early morning, after school, dinnertime, and bedtime. When that regular contact is combined with other shared activities between parents and kids, the most positive outcome is achieved.” [Bringing Up Boys, Dr. James Dobson]

Thus, we faced this truth.

[pullquote align=”normal”]If we sign up for group-lead activities, the group dictates our family’s schedule. If we select our own family-lead activities, we choose and have control. [/pullquote]

“We are stopping all activities.” I proclaimed to 3 sunken faces over dinner at Friendly’s. “And here’s why.” Teresa and I then shared the new vision for the family. It may seem extreme, but our relationships and our schedules are now so much stronger.

Come with me on this journey of what our week looks like now and you can decide if we’re CRAZY…

Our First Move, Pick One!

Instead of ONE activity per kid, we decided to choose ONE activity, ONE night, for ALL kids. Therefore, I became Commander Ken in the Royal Rangers (similar to Boy Scouts) every Wednesday night. Kenny is in my group of boys. My other sons and daughter are in different rooms having a blast. Meanwhile, my wife gets a night to go shopping, visit us, or get stuff done at home.

I asked Kenny recently if he missed TKD or baseball.

“Nope.” He said. “I love Rangers.”

And he does. He’s Assistant Senior Patrol Leader, a new Gold Hawk in rank, has earned 20+ merit badges this year, and we go camping a few times per year.

Four Key Times

Now that we owned our calendar again, how could we implement Dr. Dobson’s advice?

• Early mornings and after school were easy for us because we home school. Most kids go to school, so this requires more planning for you, perhaps.

• We set 6:30pm for family dinners. It’s true that we miss that time often, but we do eat together 7 nights per week. We use dinner time to talk… imagine that.

• Bedtime is the most fun. We have a routine with each kid which includes reading aloud, mommy/daddy songs, picture songs, sillies, and daughter dance. I plan to record some Dadnamics Live! videos to show you what this nighttime routine looks like. For now, the most important of these is reading because it connects YOU (especially the Dads) to YOUR kids. Plus, it builds a love for reading. We read to the Youngers every night 10-15 minutes. And we have settled into a Tuesday / Thursday schedule for the Olders because 10 minutes isn’t enough time to get through a chapter in their bigger books. Now they each get at least an hour from each parent per week. Here’s a few interactive Dadnamics in Reading^TM resources to help your family – Arctic Land and DiR Story Starters^TM.

Friday – Monday?

Mondays and Saturdays are our “unpredictable” days due to a variety of reasons. We stick to dinner and an abbreviated bedtime.

We bypass bedtime routine on Fridays and do a family devotion after dinner. This could also be Gratitude Night, where you just go around the table and share what you’re grateful for.

Sunday Fundays are the best, beginning promptly at 6:30am! Teresa and I take turns with the Olders for 1-on-1, Man Training and Virtuous Woman Training. The rest of Sunday is family time. We eat a big breakfast, go to church, and then play. Last week, we went on a family bike ride. The prior week, we took our rollerblades and tennis rackets to the tennis court. Most times, we stay home and lounge around, especially in the winter, and find other fun stuff to do. After dinner, we enjoy Sunday Sundae and either play a family game, or lately, we’ve been watching re-runs of “Fraggle Rock” from the 80’s.

Special Time

Yes, there’s more. We find that individual and personalized, 1-on-1 attention is VERY productive. We have a goal to give each child “Special Time” with both Mom and Dad. It’s hard to schedule, so usually it goes like this.

“I have to go to the post office and bank. Who’s turn is it?”

“Meeee!” screams Kolby.”

Of course this is where Dadnamics comes in (hint, hint for next week’s video).

And finally, let me finally tell you about Episode 10 Tea Party Coloring. Last June, I was working a lot and missing Special Time opportunities. I had promised my daughter that she was next and finally…

“Daddy’s home!” They all scream.

“Christianna, it’s your turn.”

The activity was so simple and any Dad can do it. I poured the tea into the gorgeous china set and she got her best coloring book and crayons.

We talked, laughed, worked on our color-blending skills and took a sip every time one of us tapped our cups with a spoon.

Clink, clink.

My son Kenny was on a Greco-Roman kick last summer and wanted to buy some basic supplies like plywood for shields, wood dowels for javelins, PVC and insulation for swords and daggers, and of course duct tape. Lots of duct tape.

Therefore, we piled the family into the van to visit every guy’s favorite store. It’s the one with power tools, lawnmowers, and lumber. Lots of lumber.

Upon arrival, we chose the “Race Car” shopping cart option and entered the play zone.

“You take the youngers and find the plywood. I’ll take the olders to look for the PVC.” My wife game planned (Oh, and when you have 4 kids, the “youngers” are the 2 youngest).

I agreed and set off to the lumber aisles with my 2 and 4-year-old boys and a “Race Car” shopping cart. Right away, the idea struck. Mario Kart. One is Toad and the other is Koopa. I’m Wario. This was a fine idea and great opportunity to race down the aisle and record a Dadnamics video.

There were two miscalculations on my part. First, I had no experience racing a large shopping cart with one hand (other hand to record said Dadnamics video). Secondly, I didn’t survey the race track. If I had, I surely would have noticed the 12-foot rolling, metal staircase directly in my racing lane! Lights, camera, … action! Zoom!

The start was flawless and as Wario, Toad, and Koopa mounted speed, miscalculations 1 & 2 collided and so did we. Boom! Waaah. Waaah.

We crashed into the lumber racks. My 2-year-old was crying, my 4-year-old was laughing, and I was bleeding (just a scrape, no children or Dads were injured during this Dadnamics Live video). If you ask me, I think that Bowser planted a banana peel, causing our Kart to veer off course. The recording is classic. It ends with the crash and the cry, but for obvious reasons, I did not include this blooper footage in Episode 9. However, I may be persuaded to upload the video later…

Wario, Toad, and Koopa regrouped. We found the plywood and met the rest of the family. I was quite embarrassed to tell my wife about the “incident“. After the confession and apology, I picked up Peach and Yoshi and headed to a personal favorite, the Doors & Windows display and the possibility of time travel if you go through the right door. I learned this on my various trips with my Pop-Pop, 30 years prior. What a blast! All of my kids were walking into doors, opening up windows, playing Hide-n-Seek, and locking doors on their Dad. This success gave me the positive energy to try Dadnamio Kart again.

I handed over filming to my 10-year-old (a.k.a Yoshi), so I could focus on the task at hand. It was a major victory and the youngers loved it! There was no crying, no blood, only screaming.

Wait, is that good? You be the judge.

Every boy loves superheroes, right? You can’t go wrong if you introduce Batman, Superman, Spider-man, the Hulk, Ironman, or the Flash into the mix of fatherhood. You will absolutely spark your son’s inner strength with the mere mention of these names. Be careful though. I have made the very costly mistake, many times, to prematurely drop my guard after such a name drop. The result. Pain for me… as a 2 or 4-year-old fist strikes my solar plexus. Thump!

You have been warned!

By this point, I am hopeful that you are collecting ideas on how to add Dadnamics to your Dad time. Some are harder to do than others, but not this one. This is EASY. All you have to do is fly your boy around to the sound of you humming the Superman theme music. That’s exactly what I did on video, twice.

The original “Episode 8 Superman Fly” was at a local park last June. The park was showing Big Hero 6 drive-in style on the side of a building. The town had vendors and musicians, making the event a great family environment. We got there with an hour to spare (and that’s a huge win for our family). We laid our blankets, grabbed a snow cone and popcorn and waited. The band was playing kid-friendly tunes like the themes of Frozen and Mission Impossible. Then they played Superman. I sprung into action in the middle of the crowded park to fly my younger boys around. You can’t see it in the video, but there were many smiling faces from neighboring blankets.

“Episode 42 Superman Fly Revisited” was recorded about 2 months ago. After 3 months of footie pajamas, I finally realized that I could bunch up the fabric on their backs and lift the boys by it. That spelled F-L-I-G-H-T. My 11-year-old captured one of my many Superman journeys on video.

I couldn’t justify making 2 episodes for the same thing. Therefore, I have combined Episodes 8 and 42 into one “Superman Fly”. Have fun Dads! You absolutely CANNOT go wrong copying this Dadnamics idea. It works every time, even when the boys are mad at you… (That doesn’t happen to you too, does it?)

Is this your first Dadnamics Live! video?

WELCOME TO MY CRAZY WORLD OF STORIES!!!

If you’re not new… THIS IS WHERE I MAY LOSE YOU!!!

I’m a storyteller (in case you haven’t noticed). Think about it.

Storytelling is art.

You can tell art through pencil or paint brush. I started with this form of art training and recreated MJ’s “The Shot” as a 14-year-old.

You can tell art through photograph like my friend Vincent Pugliese. He captures the most unique images from sports venues all across the country. His work has already earned him national acclaim and will lay on your coffee table one day in the form of his upcoming sports photojournalism experience called “One Shot“.

You can tell art through audio recording. Many podcasters and successful radio hosts excel here. I’ll give a shout out to a few friends in this space: Dave Ramsey, John Lee Dumas, Pat Flynn, Shawn Stevenson, and Larry Hagner.

You can tell art through the written word. My friend Christopher Maselli is an amazing author and taught me how to transition my art from pencils to words. The “Arctic Land” book is my 38-year-old version of the MJ above.

And you can tell art through the body in the forms of dancing, martial “arts”, and of course, acting.

Dadnamics is an expression of art through words and acting, for the purpose of connecting YOU to your kids. [pullquote align=”normal”]Art touches a man’s soul and is able to powerfully and deeply connect people. [/pullquote]

Let’s harness the creative genius WE ALL HAVE somewhere inside. Come with me on this journey through art. Allow me to become your acting coach.

I cast YOU as the main character in YOUR family movie. Call it what you want. It’s your story. I’m just trying to show you some ideas.

Dadnamics Live! 300-Word Takeaway

In our area, we have a chain of stores that triples as a gas station, convenience store, and ice cream shop. Perfect right? In full disclosure, I stop there quite often… for gas, obviously.

On such a day, I brought my daughter along for errands. I recommend this BIG TIME! Why not? There may be opportunities to infuse creativity, adventure, and silliness.

That’s exactly what happened on this particular day. The last errand was the gas station (you know what that means). After filling up, we moseyed inside to the ice cream counter and ordered two double cones. I got Mint Chocolate Chip. I always do. My 8-year-old ordered this colorful fruity loopy thing and we found a bench.

The first few minutes were intense as we had to work the cones down to a manageable size. It was a great teachable moment in fatherhood because one of her licks ejected a ball of blue ice cream onto my leg! And that wasn’t all. Her lovely white sweater now had blue splatter on it. We looked like a couple of Smurfs.

FLASHBACK! I took her for ice cream when she was 5 and we made faces in our ice creams and did a ice cream head puppet show. It was ridiculous, but she remembered it in perfect detail, 3 years later. And better yet, her memory is always accompanied by a big smile. This is proof that Dadnamics works. I couldn’t find that picture. YET! But here’s another from the same year.

Now that we were both blue and we had salvaged her cone, it was time for a repeat. This video is NOT REHEARSED, I promise. It is raw footage. I’m actually this strange. But my daughter loves it. She remembers it.

And so will your kids.

Dadnamics Live! 300-Word Takeaway

DISCLAIMER: DADS, DO NOT try this Dadnamics idea without the express written consent and help of your wife (or other responsible party sitting in the car with you)! I got in BIG trouble. In my defense, it was late morning and the highway was empty. Does that help, MOMS?

A good friend of mine, Larry Hagner, has built an amazing community called the “Dad’s Edge” and the associated podcast, “The Good Dad Project”. In his book, he lays out a game-changing chapter on connecting with your kids in every which way but Sunday. Do something with all of them together, 1-on-1, stay local, and travel with them somewhere for 48 hours. Larry intentionally designs these times into his calendar.

I know what you’re thinking. Overload. I can barely schedule a Saturday for my kids!

See that! You’re calendar is already set for the year! Of course, there’s no open space. We are Dads and the world hangs in our balance (at least we feel it does). Larry builds these time blocks early in the year. They give their kids priority along with work trips, activities, and projects. And they even schedule time for them as a couple.

In our household, our kids know these blocks as “Special Time with Dad“. I have 4 kids. It’s hard spread the time equally and to do it with quality. That’s why I add Dadnamics. It BOOSTS the POST! Ummm, that darn Zuckerberg! He’s constantly adding new terms to our Lexicon! Anyway, there will be more on boosting, but just know that creative connection goes deeper.

Rambling over. I decided to take my two older boys to my sister’s college graduation – “Special Time”. We had a 4 hour drive and I needed one of those boosts…

I hope you enjoy “Rock Song” and remember – DISCLAIMER!

Dadnamics Live! 300-Word Takeaway

The conditions were perfect during our visit to my grandparents in the Philly area last May. It was gorgeous outside and we wanted the kids active. And… the kids found a mystical wooden treasure box, filled with gold coins and necklaces, in the toy closet. Convenient.

“Kids, you stay here and DON’T LOOK OUTSIDE!”

They agreed.

I completed the task in a few minutes. Then I practiced my pirate… “Aarggh!”

It’s go time.

“Captain Yellow Hair and crew were kidnapped. Our treasure… stolen. Aarggh! I managed to thwart their efforts. But in the struggle, our treasure was lost. Help young treasure-seekers!”

The kids were visibly vibrating like wind-up toys.

“Aarggh. Listen first. Time is short. There are 8 mounds of the lost treasure located around this property. Find all 8 and you will be rewarded! You have 10 minutes. Go!”

This speech was followed by 2 puffs of rushing air as our oldest two kids were searching the front yard within seconds. The hunt was on. Now, all I had to do was to make sure they stayed safe, and on property.  Plus, I needed to keep up the pirate talk and give clues as needed.

They found half of the treasure fairly easy, while others (like the one up in the tree) took time. I abandoned the time limit because they were totally stumped with 2 treasure mounds remaining. Therefore, I made up two riddles on the spot to help them. My 7-year-old daughter was the one that found the 7th under a rain gutter and my 10-year-old son found #8 under a bush.

The whole thing was a blast. And we found another way to have FUN at Nana’s house without watching TV.

Parents goal accomplished.

Dads, next time you’re visiting family, how can you avoid the TV?

Dadnamics Live! 300-Word Takeaway

It’s cold. Wet. Dreary. Dark. You’re stuck inside. Snow pounded your town week after week. Okay, you get the point, especially if you live in a snow belt like we do. But finally! Sunshine warms your face as the first true spring day arrives.

The kids burst outside in their bathing suits. Each one of them processing “Sunny and hot. Get bathing suit.”

In no time, they were swinging, sliding, running, and looking to get wet! That’s where Dadnamics came in. I just observed, took stock of our resources, and executed.  We, as Dads, do this every day at work. It’s no big deal.

Here’s my internal dialogue. “What resources do we have that involve water? Sprinkler. Nah. Slip and Slide. Nah. Baby pool. Hmmm… interesting. What if I combined baby pool with sliding board? Yes!”

I didn’t say a word about my plan. I just pulled the baby pool out of winter hibernation and slid it toward the playground.

“Dad, what are you…” My oldest started to say before he shouted. “Water slide!”

Yup, he’s a sharp one. My 8 and 4-year-old noticed and bounced around in eager anticipation.

“Hang on! ” I exclaimed as my thoughts were racing. “just have to make a few calculations of height, speed, and risk of injury. Would it be a splash or crash?” I made the last adjustments and said, “Let’s do this!”

Once the joy and shouts of water park goers reached other ears, bedlam broke out. Apparently, our kids aren’t the only ones with water on their mind. Out of privacy for our neighbors, I could not show the video as 8 kids zipped down our water slide. Simply awesome!

No matter the season, take inventory and execute. It’s worth the effort.

Dads, what FUN do you see?

Dadnamics Live! 300-Word Takeaway

I began “Man Training” with Kenny on December 13th, 2013 (he was 9). I just wanted to do something special for my boy. I began to give him extra rope, which symbolized more trust. I had to start treating him as the young man he would become and not the 5 or 6 year old boy he once was. This was very tough because it’s always hardest to let go with your first.

By the spring of 2014, we had a 28-lesson activity-based Man Training. We started with a vigor to complete lessons in the mornings, but it took a while because there was always so much going on. I’m sure YOU can relate!

Unfortunately, Kenny turned 10 before we accomplished the first milestone – 14 lessons and a breakfast. Oh well, that happens to every goal-setter. What’s worse? To set a goal and come short or to set no goal at all?

April 25th, 2015 – Milestone #1 Complete – The diner was empty at 6:30am, Sunday morning. Perfect! Spending 1-on-1 time with my son to celebrate a completed goal was so fulfilling… and the food was ridiculous (see video).

We set two more breakfast goals and I reworked my schedule to do Man Training every other Sunday morning at 6:30am (my daughter gets the alternating weeks for Virtuous Woman Training). After completing lesson 21, we had another breakfast in October 2015 and we are on track to complete the last of 28 lessons by March 1st. Kenny doesn’t know it yet, but there will be a significant ceremony and gift presented (over breakfast of course)!

“Entrepreneur Training” began on Kenny’s 11th birthday and the crazy thing is that it turned into a podcast interview, father/son style!

Dads, would you like to join the real Breakfast Club?

Our First Podcast Interview

5 Biblical Entrepreneurship Principles to Teach Your Kids

Man Training Resources

Lessons 1-7 and 15-28

Purity Works: The Squire and the Scroll by Jennie Bishop

Lessons 8-14

http://www.intoxicatedonlife.com/the-talk/

Dadnamics Live! 300-Word Takeaway

There is a popular expression, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”

Is it that simple? Yes… but it’s not easy. Here’s an example.

Lemons: You’re up from 2am-6am, cleaning up several bouts of yesterday’s dinner. It’s the attack of the dreaded stomach bug. Ever been there?

Lemonade: You bring your son and find a way to play in the grocery store while buying electrolytes and crackers for the wounded soldiers at home.

You can use Dadnamics to enhance anything, whether it’s a boring errand or appointment, an exciting outing, or even a 15-minute dash to the store. My 4-year-old, Kolby and I did just that. We left the carnage of home base and bolted to the grocery store for “supplies”. When I grabbed the Gatorade off the shelf, an idea budded.

“Hmmm… alli-Gatorade.What if I transformed the juice into flesh-biting reptiles?!”

So I made alligator growl and chomp sounds and designed a shopping cart escape plan. Since this was my first time ever recording, the first take didn’t go so well. The race itself was fun, but I hit stop too soon and the picture was bouncing around like the bellies at home. I had most of our heads cut off (not by alligators, by the camera). Plus, a mystery man was wandering aisles and accidentally slipped into our movie. He apologized after, although not really sure for what.

Take 2 went much better. Kolby loved it! I loved it! Employees tolerated it.

The best part of all was the re-appearance of the Mystery Man. Check out the 0:37 minute mark. His pivot, head cock, and stare is classic! I laugh every time.

Kolby and I went back to the war zone with huge smiles, talking about our race. What do you think he remembered most from getting sick?

Welcome to Dadnamics Live!

This is officially the first Dadnamics Live! video from April 17th, 2015. I mean, I’m used to acting like a big kid in public places with my kids. It’s always been fun, but it was definitely a stretch (even for me) to press the record button.

That’s a huge part of the formula. First you get a Dadnamic idea and then you must face your fears to act it out. For me, recording myself was difficult. But I got over it! You will get over it too. If you have kids ages 2 to 12, try some of these ideas out. Overcome any fears you have and watch how much fun you guys have. More importantly, the memories you create will last. These videos will become a video blog called Dadnamics Live! My goal is to give you ideas, show you the benefits, and to entertain you and your kids. Trust me Dads, you CAN do this thing too…

Quick Instructions for Dadnamics Live!

Each video has been labeled with a recommended age group and Dadnamics level. There are 3 levels. Think of a dial or knob and the more you turn it, the louder the volume or output. The dial represents your level of creativity, adventure, and silliness.